Definitions

chris (2003-02-13 10:43:38)
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BANKER:
Someone who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and takes it back
when it starts to rain.

BOY SCOUT:
A child dressed like an asshole under the leadership of an asshole dressed
like a child.

CONSULTANT:
Someone who uses your wife's watch, tells you the time, and then charges you
for it.

DIPLOMAT:
Someone who tells you to go to hell in a way which makes you eager to start
the journey.

ECONOMIST:
An expert who will know tomorrow why that which he predicted yesterday
didn't happen today.

FRIEND:
Definition of a person of the opposite sex who has that "Je ne sais quoi"
which eliminates any desire to ever try and sleep with them..

PESSIMIST:
Optimist with experience

PROGRAMMER:
Someone who fixes a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't
understand.

PRIEST:
Someone addressed by everyone as "Father" except his children who call him
"uncle".

PSYCHOLOGIST:
Someone who looks at everyone else when an attractive woman enters the room.

STATISTICIAN:
Someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an
engineer.

UROLOGIST:
Someone who looks at your penis with disdain, touches it with disgust, then
charges you as if he'd sucked it.

LOVE:
Four-letter word, two vowels, two consonants and two idiots.

DANCING:
The vertical frustration of a horizontal desire.

HEADACHE:
Method of contraception most widely used by women.

INTELLECTUAL:
Someone capable of thinking for more than 2 hours about something other than
sex.

PITIFUL:
Someone with an erection who walks into a wall and breaks his nose.

TONGUE:
Sexual organ which some degenerates use for the purpose of speech.

MONOGAMY:
Repressed polygamy.

NANOSECOND:
Fraction of time which occurs between the lights turning green and the car
behind honking its horn.

NYMPHOMANIAC:
Term applied by men to any woman who wants sex more than he does.

TEAMWORK:
The possibility of putting the blame on others.

INTERVIEW:
That which can be seen between the interviewee's legs.

ETERNITY:
Period of time which lasts from when you finished until when you leave her
in her house.

EASY:
Term applied to any woman with the sexual morals of a man.

HARDWARE:
The part of the computer which you kick when the software malfunctions.

IMPATIENCE:
Waiting in a hurry.

INDIFFERENCE:
Attitude adopted by a woman towards a man in whom she has no interest;
interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get".

QUANTUM PHYSICS:
A black man, looking in the shadows for a black cat ~~
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